I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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