I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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