You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
