i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
