I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
