i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
