What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
