Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
