You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
