The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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