The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
