i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
porn star boner night. come get it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
