The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
