You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
