I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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