If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
