I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
