I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
