I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
