Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Randomize
