I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
