Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
