And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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