I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
