you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
