If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
