Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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