considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
