We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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