I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they call him Oral-B. enough said
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
