My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
