mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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