Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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