I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's blow job season.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
