Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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