Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
