sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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