dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
