first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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