Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
