i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
