So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
