I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
