Me too!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
