jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
