You smell like stripper and shame
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
