I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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