I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
