So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
