Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
