Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my being single is dangerous.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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