You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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