I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
