i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
