my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
