mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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