i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
