remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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