between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
