just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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