Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
