Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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