In the future we'll all be gay
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
