Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
