A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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