yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
