that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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