I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just blew my weed a kiss
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
