I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
