So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
