everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
