So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
