yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
