OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
